On a beautiful September day last fall, we were blessed with the birth of our precious daughter Rebecca Lynn. She was long awaited by family, friends, and especially a little black Scottie named Jack, known affectionately in our home as "Little Buddy." You see, "Little Buddy" knew something very different was happening.
For nine months he waited right at our sides. He was my constant companion as morning sickness lingered five months. He enjoyed the extra snuggles on the couch brought on by my exhaustion with a growing baby. Morning and nightly walks "to keep mom in shape" suited him perfectly. And perhaps best of all, he loved the extra visits from Nana and Poppop, the proud grandparents-to-be, who stopped by the house often.
 On the special day we went to the hospital at 6 A.M. The grandparents hurried over to the house to care for Jack while Rebecca hurried into the world by Casarean. Our dreams had come true: a healthy, beautiful daughter had joined our family.
Jack patiently waited for us all to return with our little surprise to add to his pack. Days passed with sniffs and looks as Jack got used to his new sister and friend. At first he scarcely noticed Rebecca, until one day she started crying in the bassinet and he went crazy barking to let us know she was there and needed help!
 We noticed right away, however, that Rebecca was fascinated by Jack. She could see him from the start, because he was black! Her first giggles were over Jack's puppy ways. We all enjoyed watching their mutual friendship grow.
Today our lives are filled with baby smiles, family walks with stroller and leash in tow, treats dropped by Rebecca for the ever-hungry Jack, and all the wonders of a growing family. Now that Rebecca is crawling, we are always watching to keep her out of Jack's food and toys, and he out of hers.  We trust Jack, but we understand that he needs his own space and time, so we respect his needs, and work always to teach Rebecca how to gently love and respect him, too.
The Lord blesses us all in so many ways. We are so thankful for our bundle of love named Rebecca, and for our furry bundle of love named Jack
So when people ask us how many are in our family now, we pause and say, " ... and baby makes four."
Part II
Scotties and Babies: A Case Study
by Joseph Harvill, Ph.D.
The popular stereotype is: Scotties and children don’t mix. However, it is my conviction that Scotties are no more dysfunctional than humans when it comes to family relations. The truth about this Scottie stereotype and every other is: it all depends— it depends on genetics, it depends on particulars of environment, it depends on precise socialization. It all depends.
Because this negative stereotype of Scotties is so pervasive it is worthwhile to look closely at the Balcom family model (above) in order to tease out the variables in their case which contribute to their success and which show why the almost categorical bad press given Scotties and children is inaccurate and should be corrected by those who know and love Scotties.
The Problem
As everyone knows who is intimately acquainted with Scottish Terriers, Scotties have a deep and rich sense of themselves. Scotties are sometimes more ‘people’ than people. That’s not a flaw, except to the insecure. It is precisely this sense-of-self which makes possible the profound bonds of companionship which are normative among Scottie lovers; these dogs can become friends in a sense quite remarkable.
It is this great dignity and sense-of-self which also makes Scotties terribly unsuited to be ‘furniture’ or yard ornaments in a family. I believe being treated as chattal violates a Scottie’s psyche in ways that parallel experiences of de-humanization in persons. It’s when Scotties are ‘de-Scottie-fied’ that problems arise. Here is the root of the bad reputation which clings to Scotties vis-a-vis children.
My hunch is the bad-with-children-scenario goes something like this: new Scottie owners acquire their dog attracted more by the ‘cute’ bug than a relational impulse to bond with a friend; Scottie’s rich personality ensconses him as ‘the child’ at the center of his new family; all goes well until a new human baby arrives, at which time Scottie is unceremoniously and overnight stripped of his ‘Scottie-ness’ and relegated to ‘furniture’ status, along with the bassinet and stroller; Scottie reacts by trying to ‘protect’ his role in the pack; the new parents react by sending Scottie to the animal shelter, mom saying, “I can’t have our child at risk!”
Where’s the fault here? Bad dog? I think not. The real culprit here is the hidden notion, “he’s just a dog.” Behind that phrase lie anthropocentric ignorance and hubris that justify exploitation and brutalization of ‘lesser’ animals, including Scotties. Since he’s “just a dog” he can be used or abused at will—and sent to the animal shelter when he’s no longer convenient.
The uncomplimentary truth is, the cast-off Scottie may be better off, since he may be fortunate enough to be adopted by persons who will relate to him as a friend rather than as excess furniture.
But it’s the success of a family such as the Balcoms which reminds us that Scotties and children can mix; that when Scotties are treated as true companions and not wallpaper they are no more dysfunctional than others in the family and can greatly enrich the bonds of family love.
The Balcom Model
From interviews with the Balcoms at least five important keys emerge as guideposts for successfully integrating Scotties with new children.
1. Preparation. The Balcom case shows they started early preparing themselves and their Scottie, Jack, for the new arrival.  Starting early with the mental preparation to anticipate reactions and outcomes and to think through strategies is not only the right way to successfully introduce a Scottie and a new baby, it’s the sensible way to prepare every family member for the changes a new baby brings! The point is: don’t leave out Scottie in the preparation; he’s part of the family who will be impacted by the new arrival. Realize this and take steps to compensate.
2. Respect and Reciprocity. As the Balcom photos indicate, they are teaching mutual respect to both Jack and their new infant from day one. Jack must learn to respect and love the baby, but the child must learn to love and respect the Scottie ‘sibling’ too. Each must be disciplined to behave in ways that affirm mutual respect and caring. Discipline does not have to be harsh to be effective, but it does have to be consistent and reciprocal: the family rule must be that respect is double-edged; to be respected you must be respectful.
3. Sensitivity. The Balcom case reveals exemplary ‘inclusive thinking.’ They don’t leave Jack out of their lives but include him in their evolving family. This is nothing revolutionary; it’s what one does with one’s friends and family—they are part of the package of our world and they ought to be sensitively included in our planning.
Empathy, which is the mental and emotional practice of putting oneself in another’s place, of looking at situations through another’s eyes, is the Balcom’s long-suit, and it’s the virtue which most directly enhances the integration of children into Scottie households. Clearly Jack is not ‘wallpaper’ in the Balcom home; his needs and presence are thoughtfully taken into account as part of the family. In a phone interview Deborah explained how she and her husband dealt with the first few nights of the baby’s arrival. Jack always slept with the Balcoms. However, Deborah felt that since the baby was nursing it was preferrable for the baby to sleep with mom alone for the first few nights. To prepare for this change in the family’s routine, dad slept with Jack in the guest room for a week before the baby was due to facilitate mom and new baby working out their feeding schedule once Rebecca came home. Such heads-up, thoughtful sensitivity to their Scottie’s potential sense of displacement goes a long way toward explaining the Balcom’s success in nurturing their family.
4. Positivity. A glance at the photos accompanying the Balcom story (p. 15) shows the positive tone manifest in their household. Look at their faces: they are blessed, and it shows. I cannot overemphasize the importance of the psychological and relational ‘tone’ or ‘climate’ in a family as a factor in the quality of any integration attempt involving Scotties-- or humans, for that matter.
There is such a thing as “self-fulfilling prophecy,” and I believe our dogs mirror in important ways the ‘spirit’ of the environment in which they live. Neurotic people foster neurotic dogs. Aggressive people, aggressive dogs. Happy people, happy dogs.
The unwelcome truth here lurks just below the surface: since every family is dysfunctional in some sense (after all, there are no perfect people, so there are no perfect families!), our Scotties share in our flawed family circles. But it’s manifestly simplistic to blame the dog if family life is less than ideal. The point is not that wearing a simpering grin all day will guarantee relational success. The point is that a family, including Scotties, is a complex, reflexive system all the parts of which contribute to both problems and solutions. Establishing and nourishing a positive rather than distrustful family environment goes a long way towards promoting bonding and harmony among all involved.
5. Pace. Finally, the Balcom case shows they see the integration of their family as a long-term goal. They practice slow guidance, taking ‘baby steps’ in their training of both Rebecca and Jack. They know relationships are built over time, not created by edict. Just as their committment to Rebecca is for life, so too their committment to Jack is not interim – until they have children!— but is for the duration. I believe Jack knows this, too. And when a Scottie is loved and respected as friend and family, he reciprocates with great-souled devotion to his family, whether infant or adult.
Conclusion
The permutations of individuated variables of genetics, environment, and socialization make it impossible to generalize across the breed as to how individual Scotties will relate to children. It all depends. However, the Balcom model showing preparation/planning, respect and mutuality, sensitivity, positivity, and pace, points the way to successful integration of Scotties and children. It’s not so impossible after all. The secret is doing the things necessary to become a functional family in the first place!
©1999 Tartan Scottie. All rights reserved. No portion may be reproduced without permission.
Reprinted from Great Scots Magazine, Vol 4 No 5 (Sep/Oct) 1999. |
